Claiming me

I am afraid
I am afraid of being alone
I am afraid of not having anything to cling on to
I am afraid
Of my thoughts
Of my thoughts
Of my thoughts
The sudden rush of breaths
The sudden peak in the tempo of my heartbeat
I have no control over my body.
I am afraid
I am afraid of me.
The me that someone else have held for the longest time
The me that I lose connection with
The me that I thought was fine to be left alone
Not to be cared, nurtured
Or loved.
I am still not ready to claim her back
But one day,
I will.

For Vanessa

6.1.2018