I hate myself.

I hate myself.

There I said it.

I 
really
hate 
myself.

I’m the most untalented
ugly
unattractive
foul mouthed
fat
disgusting looking
piece of shit
I can’t do anything right
everything fails
I break everything I touch
no one wants to talk to me
be friends with me
stay with me
I am so unbearable
I am so unbearable that I can’t bear to be with myself.

I hate my own company
The dullest person I know
Is me

I don’t know why I exist
in this world
I feel horrible
just taking up space

I feel like I should just leave
make space for others
make space for trees to grow
and rat colonies to thrive
rats are more worthy than me
rats deserve a life 
more than I do

I don’t even know what I am doing
why I am here
where I am going

I don’t know
I don’t know why I’m so obsessed
trying to get people to like me
Why would people even like me
I’m the worst person on this planet
I stink
I stink
I stink 

I am not more than a piece of used tissue
all full of disgusting snot used over and over
stepped on on the streets
and peed on in the dark corners of the city

I don’t know
Why am I here?
Why am I here?
Why am I here?

Who am I to say that I deserve this space
Who am I to fight for something that will never change
Who am I to think that I will be able to change anything
Who am I to think that I will be able to conquer all the negativity going round and round and round in my head
Who am I think that I will be able to take control of my life
take control of it
and make a difference
who am I?

Who am I?
Who am I to be searching a meaning for this life I’m living when I don’t even know what the hell I want with it?
Who am I to even dare
Who am I to even dare to WANT?

Who am I to own all these feelings that I have
These abstract things
that were labelled
by god knows who a few centuries ago
they are just mere physical reactions to 
things
things that I probably shouldn’t care about
those heart palpitations
those 
cold sweats
those
shaking hands and 
tightened jaw
who am I to 

make me cry
who am I to want something different
who am I to want to be me
when me is not even there
when me does not even exist
when me is the unreachable
the unthinkable
the
it’s non existent

This me.
It’s non existent
because there is no me
There shouldn’t be me
Me does not deserve to be here
me does not deserve a space in this world

I hate me.

I hate me,

I don’t think I should exist.