I stayed

I stayed.
I did not want to be the person who walked out on you.
I wanted to be the person who stayed.
I wanted you to know that despite all the pain
The loneliness
The brokenness
Through all that skepticism
The face of strength you hold up to mask all of that
You are loved.
And you deserve to be loved.

But at one point
I realized that I was actually doing that to prove to myself
that I am loved;
that I deserve to be loved.

I know the feeling
When someone just walks out
Heartless.
Your being goes numb. 
Loses its meaning of existence
but you still have to go through every day
Wearing a mask
looking pleasant
Passing through bodies that do not care
Unaware of this black hole that just
sucks the soul out of your eyes.

We both know that feeling
We both have been walked out on
Betrayed
Hurt
Left alone
We probably bonded over the unsaid
understanding of the pain that we carry with us.

I did not want to be the person who walked out
For all those reasons.
But I'm walking out now
For all those reasons.

A broken me will not be able to heal a broken you.
It would make it worse
creating more cracks within the broken shards of glass.

I do not want to heal
I do not want to be healed
I want to love
I want to be loved.

I believe that if it was meant to be
It will come back full circle no matter how much I try to fight it.
And if that happens

I hope what i greet you with then, is an abudance

Not absence.