Current state of mind

Losing myself in the darkness
the chemicals in my brain run amok
frenzied and out of control
Not knowing where to go
what to think
how to feel.

Feels like a slow fall into a bottomless pit
sometimes met by a thump
or two
again and again
an endless cycle
into nothingness.

Numb
but still fragile
all I want is to be in a state of daydream
To float
go where the current takes me
tired of making decisions
tired of games, relationships and rules
tired of myself
my mind
my emotions.

Engulf my being
consume my soul
let it drown
let it reach rock bottom
and maybe, just maybe
it will surface again.